So as a woman there is much advice and support out there for new moms, most of us feel pretty prepared and know what to do when we give birth, but there’s actually very little for dads, and im told by a few new dads that they had no idea how to help their partners when baby came, so today im doing a “how can you help” blog for all you new dads.
On the lead up to world breastfeeding week I am going to emphasize how you can help and get involved with your partner on her breastfeeding journey.
When we have the baby and bring them home yes we are happy but we also feel sooooo overwhelmed and consumed with them, but we still need adult conversation, even more so if there’s other children in the house,
so NO1 – TAKE TIME TO LISTEN AND TALK WITH US. We might not seem that interested in deep conversation but a little chat once a day helps us out alot. Don’t forget our lives have changed alot since the arrival of baby and it’s important to talk about those changes.
NO2- HELP A TIRED MOM OUT! if we are breastfeeding the baby through the night, get up with the baby in the morning and let us sleep a little! I promise you we will love you alot more if we have a little time to sleep without the baby attached to us! This is a small thing that we will reward you greatly for..
NO3- WHEN WE’RE SAT FEEDING BABY (or basking in a little quiet time whilst they sleep) ASK IF WE NEED ANYTHING
I know when I sit to feed baby I often forget my phone or the remote & sit there with a mouth like Gandhi’s flipflop because I realise I haven’t had a drink in what seems like forever! It would be so sweet if you could be considerate and ask us if we need anything, even if we don’t need anything we would appreciate it so much that you asked us.
NO4- WHY SHOULD WE DO ALL THE WASHING & STERILISING?!
Educate yourself on how to store breastmilk and take apart the breastpump (if your partner’s pumping) Washing the bottles and making sure there’s always a clean sterlile bottle/ breastpump for mom/baby will take a weight off our shoulders and tick one more thing off our never ending list.
NO5- COOK FOR US SOMETIMES!
With a new baby cooking a meal for our family seems pretty damn impossible some days, with sleeplessness and constant nappy and clothes changes that come with a new baby we struggle to multitask like we usually would, so taking over cooking a few nights a week takes the load off us a bit and makes sure we are eating at least one decent meal that day!
NO6- CALL TO CHECK ON US! When your at work give us a text or call and see how we are, being home with a baby all day can make us go a bit do-la-lee! We crave a bit of adult conversation and someone to tell our frustrations too (even if it seems nothing to you!)
NO7- TAKE THE BABY OFF US WHEN YOU GET HOME
While we appreciate YOUVE been at work all day, having a new baby is HARD WORK TOO! It’s tiring, relentless and a thankless job and as lovely as babies are they cry and poop ALOT. when you get in from work we NEED a break !!! Just 10 mins to get a shower alone or go for a walk or even just lie down and stare at the ceiling is pure bliss to us, so pleaseeeee give us that time!
NO8- ASK US ABOUT OUR DAY
yes we may not do a great deal when we have a new baby at home, but it’s nice to vent about our uneventful day with someone that cares about the little things babys do as much as we do, like the 3 crazy poop messes you cleaned up or the 6 half smiles that baby did and you took pics of that your sure wasn’t wind induced. We like to get it out to someone.
NO9- BE NICE TO US!
When a woman has a baby there’s ALOT that goes on in our heads, you may look at us and just see us watching TV, but really were worrying about a dozen things like “is my milk supply enough for my baby?” “will my body ever be the same again?” “Is the baby just warm or do they have a temperature?!” “When did the baby last feed? And was it enough?” “Will sex feel the same as before?!”
It’s all going on in our heads and we also worry if you will still love us the same now we’ve been through pregnancy and childbirth.. so just take it easy on us and try to be kind, a cuddle goes a longgggg way!
No10- DONT JUST THROW THE BABY AT US WHEN THEY START CRYING
Just because we carried the baby for 9 months doesn’t mean that we have to settle them everytime they cry, sometimes there’s nothing sexier than a man who can take the “I got this” attitude and settle a cranky baby, your their dad and you have to work a little harder than us to build that bond and learn to settle them, you won’t do it if you keep hurtling them back at every grizzle!
So that’s my tips on how you can help a new momma out, if you wanna stay in our good books I recommend taking these pointers on board!
As a new dad there’s not much support out there, but there’s one place I can really recommend, that is the dadsnet. My husband joined about 2 years ago and it’s been the best thing he ever did! He goes on dad days out with local dad’s and there is always another dad on the end of the phone for him to speak with, being quite an anxious guy it’s really brought him out of his shell, he’s made so many life long friends.
They have a Facebook page which you can join (as long as your a dad) and they are welcoming to all dad’s.
If in lancashire-
https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheDadsnetLancashire/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheDadNetwork/